June 15, 2009....2 years

It's been 2 years and her hand feels just as tiny in mine as it did on their birth day.

I remember the first night after they were born in the NICU...I made a trip down in the middle of the night while Christi was sleeping. I just sat with them. I didn't know what to do. They seemed fragile...even the slightest pressure would break them. But I held their hands and sat. I don't know how much time I spent down there, but I'll never forget it.

To finish my thought from my first statement...
I put Ella to bed tonight and the meaning of her embrace is unmistakable. She rests her head in the crook of my neck and then grips my hand or my shirt. She doesn't let go until you make her lie down and the disappointment in her eyes as you walk out her bedroom door is such a hard visual. I just want to lie on the floor next to her and let her fall asleep without a peep :) Before I left tonight, I held onto her hand...for a while. In so many ways, she feels so much bigger and all the things she does a reminder that she's not a baby anymore...but her hand feels so small. I know she's grown since the days of the NICU, but it feels the same as it did then. Both hands accepting comfort - her from me, and me from her.

As they try and replace crying & fits with words (English or otherwise), the triplet "infant stages" become a further and further reality. I don't want to forget those experiences (although I'm more than glad to be through them!). That's why I'm writing. That's why I stay with Ella a little bit longer some nights then others. It's why I manage the website (although I've been slacking lately!).

Happy Birthday, Paulie, Ella and Logan : )
pk